I see you

When I wake in the morning
When I fall asleep at night
When I sit alone in my room
When I stand in the center of a crowd

I see you

When I look at myself in the mirror
When I face the open sky
When I bow my head in shame
When I raise my eyes with joy

I see you

When I remember my past
When I dream about my future
When I picture our future family
When I see our hands held tight together

I see you

I want you in my life forever
I wish to grow old with you
I close my eyes and picture
When I wake and when I slumber

I want to see you

So close yet so far!

Holy crap these last few weeks have seemed so long, ya know? I have been really looking forward to this coming weekend for the last couple weeks and now that it's coming closer, time is just dragging by. I don't know what to do! I just keep thinking about it. About what I have planned to surprise her with on valentine's day. About what she's gonna surprise me with on my birthday. I just can't help but stop thinking about it. But you know what, I guess it's just gonna make it all the better, you know. Delayed gratification and all that. Because we don't get to hang out as much as we want, it makes it all the better when we get to hang out. And now especially, we have such huge things planned for each other that it's gonna be all the better. I don't know, I'm getting excited. I love you babe, and I can't wait.

Over the hill

Something just sorta hit me really hard. As I said on Facebook, from Sunday on my age will, my age will likely never again end with the "teen". I've gotten so used to that over the last 7 years that now that it's going away, it's kind of disconcerting. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited, but at the same time it's a little scary. It's sorta another mark of a new chapter in my life. Now that I'm turning 20 I'm starting off with a very serious girlfriend, very little money in my bank account, and an apartment. it's odd how my life has changed, isn't it. But I have to say, I'm really excited because as far as I can tell, it's all gonna get better from here on out. At least with the girlfriend front. ;) Here's to a good 20 years! ^_^

Song Mode

I was thinking about songs today for various reasons, so i decided to go through the random music I have on my computer. that's when I came across this song which I had completely forgotten I had and hadn't heard in a while. it's called Your Guardian Angel by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus and the lyrics really spoke to me. so I figured I'd post the lyrics here along with a video of the song. This is for you girl. XOXOXO

When I see your smile
Tears run down my face I can't replace
And now that I'm strong I have figured out
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall (let you fall)
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Cuz you're my, you're my, my, my true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
Cuz I'm here for you
Please don't walk away and
Please tell me you'll stay, stay

Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Pros and Cons

I've been realizing a lot of things lately, and among these I realized just how much getting an apartment has really effected my life. I figured it would, but not this much. Though there are definately some good things that go along with having an apartment, there have been some things I realized I don't like it. For instance, I am glad that I am no longer living at the school because it gives me a lot more freedom than before. I don't have to worry about what I say or do on my own time because I can't get in trouble from the school. However, a lot of my friends are back at the school, including one very important person in particular, whom I don't get to see as often as I would like. And when it comes to the girl I mentioned before, I don't get to see her as much as I want to, but there is a slight added bonus. When we do get to hang out, it means that much more and our time together is more precious. On a different tangent, I do get to hang with some of my best friends all the time and we've already had a lot of fun, but now all the slightly annoying habits that they have just seem more pronounced. Oh well, that's enough complaining for now... sigh...

45 hours

Wow... that's all that keeps running through my mind lately. I just keep getting surprised, but in extremely good ways. I have been a lot a joy in the last two weeks. I thought I was happy. I thought I was content. But now I know differently. I am so happy. I've been given a level of comfort that until now have been unknown to me. I feel so cheesy right now saying this, thinking I'm rediculous for even thinking like this, but it is the best way that I know in order to express how I feel right now. It was so hard to leave her today. I wanted to stay there all night, and if it weren't for outside forces I would have. We have spent the last 45 hours together non-stop. And now we've been apart for several hours and still I can't stop thinking about her... I must be crazy, but guess what? I'm alright with that. Call it what you will, I'm crazy about this girl, and I consider myself lucky to have her. And what's funny is I'm already looking forward to tomorrow (or later today, whatever you want to call it) so I can spend more time with her. This is new and exciting for me, and I'm not really scared at all. Every miniscule doubt that so far has popped into my head over the last two weeks have, withing the day, been wiped clean by something she has either done or said. Like I said, I'm crazy about her, and I'm looking forward to see what happens next. 

Until then...

Three Little Words

It surprising what three words can do to a person. And no, it's not the words you would expect. Three simple words that most people would not understand what it meant when put together like that. Put that just goes to show how truely powerful heartfelt words can be. And because of these three words I'm making a promise I plan to keep. I am happy. Though typically a easy going quirky guy, it is very rare that I am legitimately happy with my life. But right now I am happy, especially when I put myself with one person in particular. At the end of the day, I long for the moment when I finally get to spend time with someone like her, even if only for a few minutes. Those minutes strengthen me and keep me going. It is a feeling I have longed for for a very long time and it seems that it may finally be within my grasp. I want you to know you have brought me more joy than you can imagine and I promise to always, with every ounce of strength I have, to keep you safe.